Good morning and happy Thursday. Today we will be sending out some more of your Mental Health emails. We are so touched and honoured with the responses we have had - because SMASH is just as much about you guys as it is about us! You know our stories well... but now lets read one of the inspiring stories from our SMASH community:
I’ve never been officially diagnosed with a mental health condition, but I have been working with a counsellor every Saturday morning for the last two years or so to try and identify what I am feeling. For about three years I was filled with and all consumed by anxiety, self-hatred and a complete lack of self-worth. I didn’t feel worthy of anything.
I thought I just enjoyed my own company. Eventually I figured out I was lonely. I thought I just hadn’t found ‘the one’ but I didn’t feel worthy of any love or that anyone would ever love me for what I looked like. I thought I was hideous and that losing weight would make me a better person that more people would like or want to be around. Most days I couldn’t find one positive thing to say about myself. My friends, family, work colleagues, random people on the street sure they had amazing qualities but not me. I was angry, frustrated and emotional and couldn’t figure out why. I was surprised and shocked when I had a good day or a good interaction with a friend. I felt like a failure.
There are some days I just can’t take being around people, some days too hard to get out of bed some days that just feel like you are in a pit and can’t escape. I’m a very logical person and normally my logic wins out. Not on my bad days. The emotion is just overwhelming and no matter what you logically tell yourself you just can’t escape the feeling that no one cares. It’s a bizarre feeling.
Talking helps. I can’t explain how much my counsellor has helped me. It sounds patronising because it sounds so easy when you write or say ‘hey just talk to someone’ because I definitely still have days when I just can’t talk about it or don’t want to talk to anyone. I become short and distant. And that’s ok. But now that I’m aware of what it is I can deal with it better. On the days you feel you can talk even if it’s just a sentence do it.
You are amazing, thank you for sharing xx