I am enough

It's mental health awareness week this week and the theme this year is loneliness below are some stories from the SMASH team about times we have experienced loneliness. You can find out why Mental Health Foundation chose this year's theme here.

This week's affirmation is 'I am enough' 💛

"Loneliness is not about the number of friends we have, the time we spend on our own or something that happens when we reach a certain age. Loneliness is the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between the social connections we have and those that we need or want. That means it can be different for all of us." - Mental Health Foundation

Sometimes it can be difficult to make social connection when we feel less than "enough" but know that you are amazing just as you are. We will all experience loneliness at different points in our life but being a good friend to yourself above anything else can be the most powerful step to combatting feelings of isolation.

Ash
My biggest time of feeling lonely was when I was going through a breakup in 2014. I felt really lonely even though I had so many people who cared about me, checking in on how I was doing but I actually needed to be by myself to really sit with my feelings. It was a time when I wanted to get away from London, to be away from everyone and I wondered if I could just disappear for a little while which sounds really dramatic! Deep down I knew that people who cared about me were there and I just needed that time alone and embracing loneliness helped me come through the experience. Though it wasn't a very pleasant experience at the time it is what makes us stronger!
Sometimes as we feel the need to problem solve and try to help friends through difficult times but it is not always what they need and could lead them to feeling even more isolated. As long as friends know that we are there when they need us, they are more likely to reach out to us in their own time.

Sammy
Sometimes you can be surround by a lot of people but still feel lonely. For me this was the case when I started a new job a few years ago, I was put in a team that already had a strong friendship connection and had a manager that didn't really understand my role. I spent weeks isolated from conversations, dinner dates and support. Even though I knew I had to give it time to fit in, the 'not fitting in' feeling made me become quieter, withdrawn and more lonely in my new surroundings.

Fortunately for me, teams were moved around and more new people started in my office a few months later and knowing how lonely I felt, I decided to go out my way to make them feel welcome and in turn that helped me. I eventually found my people and have great relationships at work, but knowing how lonely I felt in the first few months will always shape the way I interact with new people in the future.

Be it a smile, a kind gesture or a story exchanged in the kitchen,just a little something can make someone feel welcome and less lonely within the workplace.

Sam
I've always been very comfortable in my own company; I have memories of being in primary school being friends with the popular kids as well as with the not-so-popular kids, but also remembering that I sometimes used to sit by myself reading! I currently live happily alone and know that I have the most amazing friends and family that I can reach out to whenever I am in need of social interaction.

One period of my life that I wanted to share recalling feelings genuine loneliness was when I was 16 or 17 still living in Manchester. I had discovered alcohol and used it to block out the “friends” who controlled my life, who had made me feel worthless and convinced me that if I didn't have them, I would have nobody. I had suicidal feelings and called the Samaritans, an amazing charity who I volunteered for many years later after ditching alcohol. The volunteer at the end of the line put in place a follow-up call which is sometimes done to give the caller one extra reason to stay alive, and just having that in the diary helped me refocus, eventually moving away from Manchester and finding friends that actually cared about me!

There can be a lot of social stigma around being single, childless and living alone as you get older but there is a distinction between being "alone" and being "lonely". For me, I have so much love in my life and I am very comfortable with sharing (with almost anyone) how I am feeling!

I'm a big advocate for talking - whether it's talking specifically about how you are feeling or just talking to a friend as a distraction. When you feel genuine loneliness there are so many charities that you can talk to including the Samaritans who are available 24/7. Know that you're not alone and know that we are always happy to chat to you!

Amy
A time where I’ve felt loneliness was when I started training to be a solicitor at a city law firm. I had dreamt of getting to this place for years had worked so hard to get there. The reality was very different to the dream.

Everyone was “competing” for a select few jobs so it’s hard to make real true friends, I was taken by surprise about what people would do to get to where they wanted. I often worked until 5am, only to be back in the office for 9 that morning. I cancelled plans I had after work to the point where I stopped making them and often missed special occasions of my family and friends. I was absolutely exhausted, and felt disconnect from the most important people in my life. After years of running on this treadmill, I burnt out. Despite not wanting to, knew I had to change something. I decided to leave the firm and just didn’t look back.

It was difficult to make a decision when I didn’t feel fully healthy. I didn’t want to let down the people who had supported me to get there in the first place. There was also a lot of stigma attached to leaving such a career. I shared my fears with my friends and family and they were only supportive. Everyone who loves you wants the best for you and you are absolutely not defined by what you do. 

Once I left the 4 walls of that office, I realised I had made it my life and there was a whole world out there. It also opened the doors to many other opportunities, like training to be a yoga teacher, something I adore and has absolutely changed my life. I also have my evenings back and am able to prioritise the most important things to me - my family, friends and my health.