With acceptance we find peace
Hello lovely SMASH crew. Sam here re-visiting an old email about the power of acceptance. These past few days for me have been relatively frantic and stressful in comparison to the last couple of weeks in which I've been mostly staying still, at home!
During stressful periods like this, my body goes into high-anxiety mode where I can physically feel the tension creeping in! My sleep includes many more vivid dreams which usually have an undertone of feeling out of control, and so in my waking day I feel more agitated and grumpy at the smallest of things.
In times like these I know that to protect myself and my own mental health I need to take a few breaths, take a step back and organise my priorities. Acceptance is the key to finding peace in a turbulent time.
5 Oct 2019
Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.
Eckhart Tolle
Good afternoon all! Sam here with part 5 in our 7 pillars of mindfulness emails - acceptance. Many of us spend a lot of time and energy resisting or denying what is already true. One of the best ways to "be present" is to accept how a situation may be in that moment.
How many times do you recall complaining that the bus is late? The tube is packed? The traffic is busy? Do you ever moan about being too hot/cold/wet because of unexpected weather changes? Is life unfair when you have been asked to do a last minute task at work that is going to add an extra hour to your working day?
In these situations we can often focus on the negatives. The "poor me" scenario is very common and for many is an automated response that can be hard to control, especially if we are not aware just how often it happens. The alternative choice is acceptance. Realising that there is not much, if anything, that we can do to change these situations can end the internal fight we have with ourselves.
A long time ago I was introduced to the concept of the three choices we have in life when looking at an unwanted situation. To accept it, to change it or to leave it.
A perfect example that most of us have to go through is related to work. At the time when I gave up alcohol in 2009, I was a laboratory technician within an environmental consultancy. I wasn't earning much, and wasn't really getting much fulfillment out of the job, and it was a new phase of my life where I was determined to achieve as much as I could before I turned 30. At this time I decided to accept that I had come into this job without any relevant qualifications and so worked to change the situation by applying for a promotion, having to reach certain milestones within the company and write what felt like an essay to prove my worth!
A year or so later I gained the promotion and soon after took over the role of laboratory manager. I was entrusted to also become a project manager and became responsible for running the accreditation that our lab required for certain contracts. For the next couple of years I was able to have a varied enough job role to enjoy what I was doing and be able to be proud of my abilities.
However, much of my job satisfaction also relied on being around a group of friends that I had made within the company. One by one some of my closest friends started to move away... back home to India, to Italy, to Leeds. The job itself started to become stale and I realised that I needed something more. I was getting much more satisfaction from my work with the Samaritans, where I was a listening volunteer and also part of the training team for new volunteers. I knew that at the consultancy there was not much room for progression for somebody in my role, so a change in situation was unlikely. Realising that maybe I should be the next to leave the company filled me with anxiety because I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do!
Finally accepting that it was time for me to leave laid my anxieties to rest, which is the key thing about acceptance! Once you have made the decision to accept something for what it is, the thoughts constantly swirling around the head can finally relax a little!
We each find acceptance at different speeds. It is one of the key and final aspects of dealing with loss and grief. When dealing with a chronic illness, or recovering from an injury it can be very difficult to accept our situation for what it is. When entering into a new relationship we expect our partner to accept us for who we are and, just as importantly, we may need to accept them as they are!
We cannot control everything in our lives, but we can make peace with it if we try. Try it this weekend. Be mindful of your automated reactions to different situations that you may encounter over the next couple of days. Are you pushing against something that cannot be changed? Is there anything you can do to make the situation go away or get better? If not, try acceptance...
If you are finding you are feeling frustrated, annoyed or stressed about a certain situation. Pause and ask yourself these three things:
1. Will these negative feelings help the situation?
2. Is there anything you can do at this point to change it? (If not. Accept it)
3.What can you do next time to avoid the feelings of negativity?
If you are with a friend, a partner, a family member who seems to have negative reactions to situations, maybe try to challenge them with these questions!
With acceptance we find peace. And don't we all need a little more of that in our lives? Especially at the weekend!! Enjoy yours xx
Sam and Ash